Wan of a Kind V2.0

Some of my friends have asked me why I have stopped blogging. The truth is I have been busy writing my book Through the Valley: The Grace of Ageing and Dying Well . Now that I have completed it, I will try to blog more regularly. Please accept my apologies. I am a champion of good neighbourliness and have been promoting the idea that we can be friends by choice even though we are neighbours by chance. Over the years, I have reached out to my neighbours by organizing Let’s Makan and initiating greetings and other social contacts to develop friendship. And what have I to show for my effort, you may ask. Truth is, there is latent kindness in all of us – waiting to be unlocked by simple initiatives of reaching out with a smile, a word of greeting, a simple conversation and an opportunity to have a drink or a meal together. Here’s how my neighbours have responded to us: One evening, I came home after work only to find that my wife was not in and I did not have the house key wi...

Sharing a meal with my family in Kyoto  Last year was especially significant for me. I became a septuagenarian! In my honour, a couple of good friends, Soo Inn and Bernice, reprinted 47 of my published articles in a book aptly titled Born in ’47 . Born in '47 - A Life In Writing The WAN tribe of 10 descended from the USA and Canada to celebrate. For the first time in years, we had our family vacation in Kyoto. And for the first time in years, Ruth and I took a cruise around the Mediterranean and the Baltic, spent some time in Northern England and Scotland and Spain. Over the years I have been to many of these places because of work, but I have not been good at taking vacations. However, this time around, I felt it was time to vacate my usual work routine and do something different. It was a “working vacation” – interviewing folks on the cruise about living well and leaving well – a book project I am working on. Last year has also been literarily productive. ...

A few days ago, a Friend of 50 years shared with me a story over dinner.  Her lady friend was comfortably seated on an MRT train when a pregnant lady boarded the train.  She stood up to give her seat to her but before she could take it, a young man rushed across her and took the seat. The young man settled down and started to wear his earphones and began watching a show on his iPad, completely ignoring the pregnant lady in front of him. It was obvious to him, and everyone else around that just-vacated seat that it was meant for the pregnant lady as the one who gave it up was still on the train, now standing next to the pregnant lady. Unfortunately, no one spoke up for either the lady who gave up the seat or the pregnant woman who was meant to be the beneficiary of that kind act.  It was a classic case of the bystander effect. The kind lady who gave up the seat then spoke up.  "Hello," she said ever so gently, "I gave up the seat for this lady, not for you," p...

I have been travelling for 5 weeks on a cruise, visiting 21 countries and 30 cities. Some of you have been following me on my Facebook where I posted my travelogue. In the course of my travels, I interviewed 20 people for my book From Living Well to Leaving Well . One of my interviewees is a retired lawyer who was diagnosed to be afflicted with Aortic Dissection, an inoperable condition. He was told that he had from 3 months to 20 years to live. I met him, his wife and his best friend and his wife on the ship. His friends who were not fond of cruising decided to accompany him on this cruise. My wife and I were privileged to be invited into their circle of foursome, and we shared some meals and onshore exploration together. I noticed how thoughtful, considerate and caring his friends were to him. It was a wonderful expression of kindness in friendship. I am reminded of what Marcus Tullius Cicero, a Roman statesman, lawyer, scholar, and writer wrote in the first century BC, “Fri...

I am thankful for the gift of relaxation (vacationing) as we completed our drive through the beautiful Lake District to Edinburgh, cruised the Baltic and now completing the Mediterranean route as I write. I believe in working hard (vocationing) and enjoying the fruits of it, completing 4 books in 12 months and taking SKM through another year. I believe in living well. We all do, though we may define it differently. For me, it is about doing meaningful work, touching lives, inspiring faith, and embracing love. In living well, however you define it, we do need to think about it and prepare for it. Most vacationers on the cruise are retirees who have some means. One couple has cruised a total of more than a thousand days. That's a lot of cruising and you need a lot of disposable income to be able to do that! No doubt many worked hard at making and saving money, and are now enjoying the fruits of their labour. That takes some planning and preparation. For some, it ...

I introduced Lars Peter in my Facebook post from Copenhagen a few days ago. He is a 56-year-old gentleman from Greenland whom we met at his "home" which is the doorstep of a church in the heart of Copenhagen, a stone's throw away from the palace. He was sitting on the steps of the church doorway with his broken tricycle parked at the side. Seeing us approaching, he gestured and said, "The church is closed. It is only opened on Sunday morning for service. It's my home the rest of the time." His English was perfect. I introduced myself and Ruth. He said, "How do you do? My name is Lars and I am a veteran from Greenland." I sat down beside him. There is a wisp of alcohol as he spoke. He offered me a cigarette to which I politely declined. He told me his story. An Eskimo from Greenland, he became a soldier in Denmark. Then he became a mercenary and was stationed in the Faroe Islands, Iceland, UK and Germany. "I fought fierce ...

My wife Ruth and I are traveling till Oct 1. And my travelogue is posted on my FaceBook. Driving out of Manchester on a Monday afternoon, we encountered heavy traffic along the way. A huge queue had already formed on the motorway. But there were no chaos, no honking and no irate drivers. Everything was orderly. There is an unwritten rule governing the "Give and Take" of driving etiquette. To take, one must first give. The one entering gives way to the one on the motorway in the queue. The one behind him in the motorway then gives way to the one trying to enter as he had earlier given way. He now takes. And so it goes, alternating between the one entering and the one already on the motorway. It works perfectly. The traffic was orderly and everyone took turns to join the queue. The traffic moved along smoothly. We arrived late in Windermere without making reservations for accommodation. We were hungering for adventure and were counting on finding B&B join...

I am seventy and I feel that life has just begun. This feeling is shared by many septuagenarians. May Sarton has written At Seventy: A Journal and Judith Viorst, I’m, too Young to be Seventy . Both are funny, warm and positive. Judith is certainly “glad to be alive” and does not see it as the autumn of life. “The autumn of life,” writes Sarton, “is … a matter of saying farewell, but the strange thing is that I do not feel it is autumn. Life is so rich and full these days. There is so much to look forward to, so much here and now…And right now there are hundreds of good letters to answer and hundreds of bulbs to plant. I do not feel I am saying farewell yet but only beginning again, as it used to be when school started.” I love these positive life-affirming women, full of vigour and humour. They are good representatives of the spirit of active ageing, of which I am an ambassador. So, why do I feel that it’s spring at seventy? For me, it is about being in good health. I...

Dear friends I'm back - from the other side... though not quite, because I was never really there. When we took the painful decision to remove and archive Wan of a Kind last April 2016, my intent was to contribute actively to SKM's new editorial site, The Pride . And though I did manage a piece (and the editors also republished another that I wrote for a local paper) in its earliest days, it turned out to be just unrealistic to keep up with a more frequent, more current format with tight deadlines. In a way, I am glad that happened. For one, I am happy and proud to say that The Pride has now found its own solid footing, with its dedicated team of editors and writers serving up fresh thought-provoking perspectives with honesty, humour and hope 2-3 times a week. At the same time, it freed me up to provide more input and guidance to my hard-working SKM team. I was able to contribute to many kindness-related causes on the ground beyond SKM including publishing four book...

Dear friends, Hello, it’s me. Pun on Adele’s song aside, it’s been almost four years since the launch of this blog in August 2012. Thank you for giving me the privilege and pleasure sharing with you my thoughts and ideas on kindness, and I hope I have gotten more people alerted and interested in some aspects of kindness.  It is with a tinge of sadness that I am now announcing the closure of this blog. This is part and parcel of revamping our site. We are renaming our new editorial site, The Pride . It is a content-driven site that will bring fresh insights on current affairs and community happenings that has some relevance to our mission to foster a kinder and more gracious society. We want this new platform to be more engaging and interactive. I will contribute op-eds and social commentaries on issues relevant to kindness, as a member of the editorial team. It is time to change from being the sole writer of my own blog on kindness, to being a staple contrib...

I am pleased to share with you this special personal journey from my guest Danielle Chan. She is one of the kindest and most compassionate person I have met. She is who she is because of what she has. Be Kind, Include Us. I have two boys; my older son is 16 and was diagnosed with Attention Deficiency, Autism and Dyslexia when he was 7 years old. Around 8 years of age, my younger son who is now 12 years old was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Because of them, I went for an informal diagnosis for myself and discovered that I also have Attention Deficiency Disorder all along. The 3 of us would often joke with their father that out of the four of us, he is the only abnormal one in the family. This reminds me of the movie “Planet of the Apes”, where apes were the norm and humans were the outcasts. The norm is defined as the majority. But that number which constitutes as the majority is not an absolute, it changes doesn’t it? It is not a constant. Recent medical research indicate...

I have always been fascinated by religions and studied it at graduate school overseas. As a Christian, I do believe that we must respect the choices people make in regard to religion. It was therefore a singular honour for me to be conferred the Abdeali Tayebali Lifetime Achievement Award by the Family Trust. I hope my acceptance speech and what my friend Dr. Gervis wrote will encourage you to let kindness to one another be the unifying factor for all of us, whatever faith tradition we embrace, or for that matter, no faiths at all. Acceptance Speech for the Abdeali Tayebali Lifetime Achievement Award Minister Sim Ann, Senior Minister of State, Ministry of Culture, Community and Youths; Mr. Ameerali Abdeali, Chairman of the Abdeali Tayebali Family Trust, Your Excellency and my dear friend, Ambassador Kesapany, members of the Board of Trustees, leaders of collaborating organizations - the Singapore Indian Association and the Jamiyah Islamic Centre - distinguished guests...

On the eve of the New Year, I posted on my Facebook the following: "I got up this morning reflecting to myself the following 12 lessons I have learnt and relearnt in the last 12 months: H ave time for things that count which are usually beyond counting.  A lways live with positive Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.  P eace starts with me and it begins with a smile.  P rayer is not instructing God, it is simply reporting for duty.  Y ou can decide to do the right thing each and every time. N o matter how you feel, just Get up, Dress up and Show up, for the best is just ahead of you.  E arn your self-respect for no one owes it to you.  W ork smart while working hard.  Y ou can forgive everyone and everything for it will release you from self-destruction.  E nvy is a waste of energy, you already have all you need.  A ttune to the idea that what others think of you is none of your business.  R ealize that there is a poverty tha...

I am personally delighted that many more acts of kindness are observed and reported in Singapore. Several friends noted that in recent months there are many more notations in the Bouquet Section of the Forum Page in the Straits Times. Recently, the owners of the cafe, Strangers’ Reunion, were met with an overwhelming response from the public when they put out a call for help to raise funds for their cancer-stricken head chef. I was asked for my opinion by the New Paper to which I replied to the effect that there is innate kindness in every one of us. We naturally reach out with a desire to help for we know that the challenges of human frailties and vulnerabilities are common to all of us. These days, I have observed and experienced an increase in the number of people offering seats to senior people on buses and trains. At 10:00 pm one evening, I boarded a crowded train at Dhoby Ghaut station. A middle-age lady immediately offered her seat to me. Just yesterday, my wife and I b...

Every now and then, I meet someone who could not hide his surprise upon receiving my business card.  “Is there that much to do in the business of kindness?” is one of the questions politely posed to me.  When I mention that there is so much to do that we need 20 fulltime staff to do it, the mild surprise turns into utter amazement. So what do I do as General Secretary of the Singapore Kindness Movement (SKM)?  To begin with, I lead.  A movement by its very nature requires someone to lead it.  Since taking on this assignment at SKM, I have been featured in two books on leadership.  Changing Lanes, Changing Lives by Richard Hartung highlights a number of private sector senior executives who left their profit-oriented businesses to lead not-for-profit organizations.  All of us have a common passion, namely to “do good well”, to quote Willie Cheng who wrote a whole book about it, aptly titled Doing Good Well. I am convinced that leadership is even more...