Wan of a Kind V2.0

A few days ago, a Friend of 50 years shared with me a story over dinner.  Her lady friend was comfortably seated on an MRT train when a pregnant lady boarded the train.  She stood up to give her seat to her but before she could take it, a young man rushed across her and took the seat. The young man settled down and started to wear his earphones and began watching a show on his iPad, completely ignoring the pregnant lady in front of him. It was obvious to him, and everyone else around that just-vacated seat that it was meant for the pregnant lady as the one who gave it up was still on the train, now standing next to the pregnant lady. Unfortunately, no one spoke up for either the lady who gave up the seat or the pregnant woman who was meant to be the beneficiary of that kind act.  It was a classic case of the bystander effect. The kind lady who gave up the seat then spoke up.  "Hello," she said ever so gently, "I gave up the seat for this lady, not for you," p...

My wife Ruth and I are traveling till Oct 1. And my travelogue is posted on my FaceBook. Driving out of Manchester on a Monday afternoon, we encountered heavy traffic along the way. A huge queue had already formed on the motorway. But there were no chaos, no honking and no irate drivers. Everything was orderly. There is an unwritten rule governing the "Give and Take" of driving etiquette. To take, one must first give. The one entering gives way to the one on the motorway in the queue. The one behind him in the motorway then gives way to the one trying to enter as he had earlier given way. He now takes. And so it goes, alternating between the one entering and the one already on the motorway. It works perfectly. The traffic was orderly and everyone took turns to join the queue. The traffic moved along smoothly. We arrived late in Windermere without making reservations for accommodation. We were hungering for adventure and were counting on finding B&B join...

I am personally delighted that many more acts of kindness are observed and reported in Singapore. Several friends noted that in recent months there are many more notations in the Bouquet Section of the Forum Page in the Straits Times. Recently, the owners of the cafe, Strangers’ Reunion, were met with an overwhelming response from the public when they put out a call for help to raise funds for their cancer-stricken head chef. I was asked for my opinion by the New Paper to which I replied to the effect that there is innate kindness in every one of us. We naturally reach out with a desire to help for we know that the challenges of human frailties and vulnerabilities are common to all of us. These days, I have observed and experienced an increase in the number of people offering seats to senior people on buses and trains. At 10:00 pm one evening, I boarded a crowded train at Dhoby Ghaut station. A middle-age lady immediately offered her seat to me. Just yesterday, my wife and I b...

There is no doubt that our roads and highways are getting more congested even though ERP gantries are more ubiquitous than ever before. There appears to be more vehicles sharing limited space which makes kindness on the roads even more relevant. By kindness on the roads I am thinking about being careful not to inconvenience or harm fellow road­users. Being considerate is an important value of kindness, and very often being kind and considerate is often spoken in the same breath as in “She is unfailingly kind and considerate.” Not to inconvenience or harm others is to be unfailingly kind and considerate. Applying this attitude to driving, it implies attentiveness and thoughtfulness, co­operation and patience. In sum, it implies a degree of civility in our relationship to others. Abdulla M. Abdulhalim, a PhD candidate and a President’s Fellow at the University of Maryland told the Huffington Post, "We like simple definitions. Civility really is a more broad term com...

“Adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it.” James Lane Allen. By now, most of you would have read about the 2013 Graciousness Index dropping 8 points to an all-time low of 53. The Index serves as a reflection of the state of graciousness in Singapore, but the survey does not ask for the reasons behind the Index’s movements. However, it is only human for us to want to know who or what is responsible. The bulk of the response to the story, as seen in online comments, has been to apportion blame. Here’s a smattering of some comments. “It is difficult to be gracious and to be kind when there are so much stress and frustrations out there in our daily lives. And people are crying out in pain when the leaders hear not. When people don’t have hope, or are in despair due to inequality and injustice, the society will disintegrate from within.” “Cannot be too friendly with people who come to steal our PMET jobs, depress our pay and discriminate us with their fake degrees.” “Ho...

I am known for not having a sense of direction, and have been found lost even in my own office and on the plane! Signs play a very important role in my life. Having travelled quite extensively, especially in my lawyering days, I am fascinated by the different signs in different countries messaging the need to be gracious. In Taiwan for instance, there are signs for keeping to the right (we keep to the left) for people using escalators. There are also signs for “Reserved Seats” in the public transport system and for queuing. Clearly they work, for to the best of my observations at several Taipei Metro stations and trains, commuters clearly practice the norms.  But the Taiwanese go further than us in that they have signs for “Female Waiting Zones” and for “Breast-feeding Stations”. There are signs for customer service for the handicapped and “free Wifi” and “Mobile Phone Charging Counters”. They encourage the use of stairs in public places “to burn calories”. ...

I am writing this from London where I am chairing the 7th General Assembly of the World Kindness Movement. 12 members from 9 countries are represented here. Some folks at home think that only Singapore has a kindness movement. Let me assure you that the 12 movements represented at this Assembly is only a fraction of the numerous kindness movements in the world. At this Assembly, we hope to come up with a strategy to onboard more members from around the world. When we are able to join the dots represented by the movements with the common goal of spreading kindness, we can make a difference in inspiring a more peaceful world. My first visit to London was in 1973 and I remember how impressed I was with the London Tube when Singapore was still decades away from having our own MRT. 2 days ago, I took the Tube downtown. It was not crowded as it wasn’t during the peak hours. I noticed that there were signs identifying priority seats, almost exactly like what we have in Singapore exc...